Thursday, June 4, 2015

To Win or Not To Win, That is the Question...

"So the last will be the first, and the first will be the last."

Those are the words of Jesus himself, recorded for us in the Gospel of Matthew. While I'm not completely sure of the context, as we Catholics aren't known for our Biblical prowess, I think it's fair to surmise that He was referring to the various Catholic Hipster contests that were going to develop some 2,000 years after his death... 

This little weblog started out back in December of 2014, and it was really the Catholic Hipster of the Year Award, or the #Wojtys to those in the know, that put us on the map (albeit a very tiny map, maybe the size of Rhode Island...not the size of the state, but the size of the map of the state). 

Immediately upon jumping into that contest, however, the question of who the real hipster is came up. 

Could the top hipster really be determined by popular vote? Or, is it by finishing with the least votes, that one truly shows their hipster status? 

This question lingered on, coming up again and again, especially during our #HabitedHipsters and #HipstersWithHolyOrders competitions. 

Now, with our #StGabrielAward hitting the interwebs, it is finally time to answer this question with an infallible response. 

When Anna Mitchell won the #MulierisDigniTweetEm contest, did she become the Catholic Hipster equivalent of Death Cab for Cutie (my humble attempt at referencing a formerly hipster band that hit the mainstream)?

When Father Kyle won the #CatholicHipsterTweetAwards, did he instantly become too mainstream to be considered hip (if you've seen his socks, you know this can't possibly happen)?

Since Matt Swaim and Will Egan have teamed up to go a combined 0-15 (hyperbole) in our pretend hipster competitions, did they really nab the crown of ultimate Catholic Cool (note: the ultimate crown of Catholic Cool is a tad thorny)? 

The answer, my dearest friends, is...

In the words of St. Paul, "Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!" 

The Essential Catholic Hipster Survival Guide has always been a weblog by Catholic hipsters and for Catholic Hipsters. If you need proof, I can show you the tiny volume of hits that thie weblog receives! 

With that being the case, winning the popular vote of your fellow hipsters is indeed proof positive that you are head and shoulders above the rest, rather than the inverse. 

While you may have to wait in purgatory a little longer than the person who finishes last in our polls per Jesus' aforementioned words, you have legitimately earned the title of totally awesome Catholic Hipster here in this life. 

So, shine on, you crazy Catholic Hipster diamond! You've earned it!!

This post has (not) received an imprimatur from Pope Pius IX...

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