Friday, January 2, 2015

You Probably Haven't Heard: Pope Francis' New Year's Resolution

Disclaimer: "You Probably Haven't Heard" (YPHH) is the heading for our completely fake news stories. Nothing in these stories is true: not the quotes, not the "facts," nothing. This is only for the purposes of fun because I'm bored at work...please keep this in mind when sharing!

There are a lot of Catholic Hipsters out there who have been frustrated by the way the media twisted the words of Pope Francis in 2014. 

Today, the Vatican has announced plans to help avoid this problem moving forward. 

Speaking at the first press conference of the new year, Father Federico Lombardi, SJ, informed us on the Pope's latest plans. 

"Pope Francis has experienced great pains at the twisting, manipulating, and misunderstanding of his words since his election to the Papacy," Fr. Lombardi explained, "In an effort to reduce this problem, Pope Francis has pulled together a New Year's resolution that harkens back to the 2002 'Stand-By-Your-Ad-Provision' from United State politics."

For the upcoming year, during speeches, homilies, and impromptu interviews, Pope Francis will be sure to endorse his words prior to speaking them. 

Fr. Lomardi continued, "Pope Francis plans to precede any words that he feels might be manipulated with a clear 'thumbs up' and an emphatic, 'I'm the Vicar of Christ, and I approve this message."

This will not enact his infallibility, mind you, but simply allow the faithful to know the he approves of what he's about to say.

The Vatican Communications Office, which has felt under pressure to pump out clarifications and corrections since the Pope's election, are happy to hear the new policy. 

If this step will help Jimmy Akin to get some down time from writing all those What Pope Francis Really Said posts remains to be seen. 

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